The Monster

There’s a monster in my chest
He beats my heart like drums
I’m choking on this blood of mine
That’s pooling in my lungs.

I feel as though I’m drowning
And my vision’s turning white
Blur before me, avalanche
Tell me that I’m right.

There’s a hole inside my body
Where you’ve eaten me away
I squint through colour, motion, shame
I stumble to the end of days

Jerusalem falls around me
The soldiers at the wall
Have laid siege to my temple
Just a day too long

It’s October, when I crumble
Flames burn away my gold-tinged skin
I fall like Autumn leaves
And whisper curses to the wind.

There was something here, once
A beauty to be had
But I lost that, oh years ago
When everything turned bad

I am the image of no one.
The sky is empty tonight
My limbs are dead around me
And my neck is flecked with blight.

I zone out to rope and medicine
And vomit down my front
There are monsters haunting me
From which I turn and run

They’re down every hallway
Handprints on every wall
They’ve cracked every floorboard
Pandemonium feels so small.

My body’s not my own now
I’m blood and flesh and shame
That’s why I call him Monster
For I do not know his name

Tears rip through my eyelids
And spill right down my face
This isn’t what I wanted
This boiling, burning place.

But I see him when I close my eyes
And count, so slow, to ten
I choke on black and empty space
And whisper my amen.

I’m begging you to save me
Just pull me out of here
I don’t know if I want to die
But I do want to disappear.

I want you to rest me easy,
Cotton, for my face,
Press til I stop kicking,
And over me, say grace.

Purge the evil from this vessel
And rid the monster, yes
I s’pose I’ll meet you in the elsewhere
It’s not for me to guess.

The Fate of the Wood

They are ripping down the cherry trees,
With teeth of steel and iron,
Before dusk, when the moon’s still up,
Beneath Draco and Orion.

The grunts of sweat and blood and men,
Are deafening in the night,
Shadows painted on the soil,
From their glowing torch of light.

The fruits were picked off long ago,
It was winter when they came,
Soldiers clad with helmet and axe,
And titles instead of names.

Amongst the throng there are no cheers,
When the first bough hits the ground,
A thud, then a scatter of leaves,
A resolute and aching sound.

On the Cobalt

Hair dark as driftwood
Eyes clear as glass
The time of the Ancients
Has not come to pass

You fly through the water
You stare back at me
Your home is the rivers
Your home is the sea.

Shipwrecked, we lay
On sand and soil
Your silent words bubble
Like eggs in oil

When I look to you
I see nature bare
Like the sun, my eyes water
If for too long I stare

You pull me under
My lungs tear apart
You gasp and remember
My mortal start

Holding me close
In your plywood arms
I gasp at the surface
Your hand on my heart

That’s where you keep it
Coming forth I see sails
And the yachtsman gasps
At the girl with the scales.

Mabel

Her name was Mabel Cross
And she smoked cigarettes
Grey bloomed between her lips
And bruises wore her neck

She smiled at me once
When I was in the dinner line
And I spent three days replaying it
In the cinema of my mind

She kissed me there, in the real one
Halfway through the matinee
It was the saddest war film
We got heckled to behave

She made romance in the silly things
And love in every room
We fucked everywhere in her house
And on the grass below the moon

Chorus
Mabel
My baby, Mabel
I still think about you, hope you know
Mabel
My darling, Mabel
Why oh wow did you tell me to go?

She kissed me in the falling dark
With sand beneath our legs
I had on all my finery
Dress pressed and lipstick red

We tasted salt of open sea
And breeze tousled her locks
We spent the night under the sky
Collecting shells and rocks

She led me to the ocean
It was cold and froze my legs
She told me she would warm me up
But then kissed me instead.

I told her she’s my darling
And she said she loved me too
Perhaps that’s what this ‘being’ means
No one else, the world, and you.

Chorus

Mabel
My baby, Mabel
I got your text just thought I’d let you know
Mabel
My darling, Mabel
I’m in my car, to meet you I go

I Don’t Think Cupid Met Us

I wish that you would hold me,
As dusk brings the end of day,
And all my aching troubles,
Would get up and fade away.

Like shadows they would leave me,
Cast long in evening air,
But then you switch the light on,
And the shadows go elsewhere.

Darling, reach inside me,
There’s a storm behind my eyes,
I’m trapped in life and body,
I’ve grown crooked, to despise.

Take the fire out, leave me empty,
And kiss the stars goodnight,
I will blur the lines of emptiness,
Or calm behind the eyes.

If you held me I’d die happy,
I could pass soundly in my sleep,
I just need to think that if I did,
Over me you’d weep.

And I’d look down from three feet up,
And smile softly too,
That I didn’t waste twenty years,
But when you leave I know I do.

From the Sirens Who Fell in Love With the Sailors Instead

I’m hanging between your fingers
Like a puppet on a string
I’ll do anything that you wanted
I’ll do any goddamn thing

I used to stand still like the rocks
But the oceans were stronger than me
Storms came and waves hit
And now I lay in the sea

I’m brittle sand at the shoreline
Shape me into what you want
I’ll do anything that you wanted
You won’t believe there was fight in me once

And one day I will be happy
Underneath the sea
Let waves crash
Let storms brew
Above and beyond me

The rest rest with dirt past your elbows
And soil above their heads
While I’ll choke on fish bones
In my salty seawater bed

The ocean has made me a promise
A pact and a truce if you will
It’ll take me beneath folding waves
I promised it that I’ll behave

No turning back
No turning back

I’ve swam out quite a way now
My feet are touching the floor
You won’t find me my darling
You won’t see me anymore
You can’t rescue me this time
You can’t rush through the door
I’m opening my mouth now
The damage is already done
Don’t wait for me at the coastline
Listen, please, just run.

B Movie Horror

We are pulp of greying red
Two steps from dying three from dead
I’m ribs I’m bones I’m underfed
You’re in my mind you’re in my head

The sky’s open wide and you’re the sun
Smoke and smog you’re in my lungs
Let forests burn let colours run

We’re shades from black we’re barely grey
You’re the night and I’m the day

Collapse into your open palms
Catch me in the falling dark
Parasitic hardly fitting
Was I the thing your heart was missing

Oil spill in the sea poison in my veins
I want different I want the same
Different body different brain

I’m defined by my mistakes
Passed out alone in open space

I’m dying I’m here this is my life
I’m not your girlfriend not your wife
I’m a thing you use and I the same
What end are we meeting what’s this game

Sex driven, hedonism
Two young deaths making little ones together
Is this fulfilling is this whatever
We’re wasting days more of the same
Finding loose ends every day

Enablers, to each other
Two broken brains from different mothers
Shock and shame and B movie horror
Mixed metaphors and cursed explorers
I’m dumb and young and fucked up to death
Meet me at the bitter end
Dying young’s a lovely trend

If you hold me under the star lit sky
I think the world will all make sense
Coming together this jigsaw of heaven
Tell me will we be forgiven

I wanna meet mercy I wanna forget
The things we did the things we said
Is there someone looking out for me?

The sky feels really cold today
The air is empty empty space
We’re on our way to early graves
Drunk on love our souls depraved

I don’t feel happy and I don’t feel full
But it’s close enough that I can’t tell
I know when night fades and we meet dusk
That this is the life that I dreamed of.