I see you in the daffodils.
Your neck below their heads
Your legs outstretched on green
The blanket on your bladed bed
I’m reminded there are worse things
To see you in at times
I’ve woken, shaking madly
Catching your face next to mine
This reminds me I am better
To see you here, old friend
To forget the burn of our last words
And fall in love again.
Yellow makes me well now
And it looks good on you too
One day you’ll burst up in the sky
Amber hair on azure blue
And all the world will see you
Though they may not know your face
But I will know you’re up there
And we’ll meet again one day.
[One of these days I’ll be brave enough to record these songs, but today is not that day so here’s the lyrics.]
My heart is empty
But my chest is full
My neck is bruised
And my wrist is pulled
I’m dangling from my sockets
And I’m bleeding from my eyes
My tongue is bitten, red and bloody
Throat is raw with cries.
I’ve never ached with sadness so
I fear I’m going mad
This house is so big without you
But you were all I had
None of these things are really mine
They were bought when you were there
It’s like I live in a graveyard
Or a long deserted square
I’m alone is what I’m saying
And alone is how I’ll die
Let my skin tear like paper
On a dangling washing line.
And that’s where they’ll find me
Rotting, hanging there.
They’ll bury us together
I’ll be quick enough, I swear.
Let me pick through the car crash
And lay amongst the wreck
I’ll take my prozac in the driver’s seat
And we can die the same death.
They’ll bury me in white
My hand buried in yours
Our eyes closed to the world
When they close the coffin doors.
Plant lilies by our gravestones
We liked them both the same
Engrave the marble pretty
And remember our names.
Isn’t that you wanted?
The death of you and me
That’s why you said you’d see me there
When we crashed into that tree
But you only broke my arms
And I woke up to see your face
I don’t remember screaming
But you didn’t look the same.
[I decided to deviate from my usual poetry and write a song instead (well, the lyrics at least.) As I can’t write actual notes or play an instrument you’ll just have to imagine some degree of instrumental in between each verse to account for the rhythm changes]
If I could take back time
I’d take all the curse words right out of my mouth
I’d send them down a river
Let the fish eat them like flies
Maybe you’d be sat next to me
And we’d talk like old times
I see your name in gold
And oh it’s rising to the sky
Makes its way through clouds of rain
Up to the gates on high
Do you hear the bells that play up there?
Are they as pretty as you hoped?
Down here the world’s less pretty
Now that I am on my own.
I see regrets before me just in front of my eyes
Oh and I cried at your funeral and the day I learned you died
I want to read that letter but your mum said no
So she’s burning it on Friday and all the words you wrote
There’s so many things that I would do
To see your face again
It’s your smile specifically I miss
I wish you’d dip into my dreams
A pleasant one this time
I don’t much like the bad ones
Oh they stick with me a while
You are still beside me
I am sat and you are laid
We are both so silent
But you in different ways.
Your sallow skin is parchment pale
Your once gentle hands are cold
Your body’s filled with tragedy
You were eighteen years old.
I know we took no vows out loud
But it feels so wrong to part
I crave a happy middle
Like I craved a happy start.
What if I just lay here?
Shut my eyes and count to ten
Fade into the nothing
Happy, when I meet you there.