Take Me Home

It’s the name that I can’t say
It’s the bullet in my brain
It’s the answer to all my questions why
It’s the hurt behind my eyes and the reason I can’t cry
It’s the pain inside my chest and why I’m screaming to the sky

Chorus
Oh, take me home
I know I don’t belong here anymore
Oh, I want to go
I don’t know what it is I’m asking for

Rip me open, take my heart
It was broken from the start
Erase the parts that I can’t see
I’m all but begging on my knees

Darling please I don’t know you
But you’re the one I’m crying to
A promise held in future times
A push to walk a reason why

My heart is open have my soul
Take it, here, have it all
I give to you every last part
My open chest, my empty heart

Rest between the scarlet curves
The pretty lies the broken girl
Look past my lips look past my smile
I’ve been dying for a while

Baby please don’t leave me here
You’re the only thing that I hold dear
Across the ocean far from me
A key to life that I can’t see

Chorus

I haven’t seen where I live
But I know where I exist
Push past the fog and through the mist
Lead there and take my kiss

Hold me in your aching arms
Kiss along these ugly scars
Tell me that you’ll love me
Even when we’re worlds apart

I look up to the break of dawn
Sick of this and wanting more
You sit beside me in my mind
I’ve been empty all this time

I know that you’re not really here
But won’t you lay with me my dear
It helps me cling onto this plane
Cut through these locks and break these chains

A thousand questions far from me
Now I know what dying means
I’m tired of doing what I hate
I’m going home it’s getting late

You may never know my name
And for that you take no blame
The world it wasn’t big enough
If you look for me just look above

I don’t know where I’m going now
It’s not this place it’s not just town
I feel faint and I feel sick
And yet I’m calm that this is it

Chorus

Mabel

Her name was Mabel Cross
And she smoked cigarettes
Grey bloomed between her lips
And bruises wore her neck

She smiled at me once
When I was in the dinner line
And I spent three days replaying it
In the cinema of my mind

She kissed me there, in the real one
Halfway through the matinee
It was the saddest war film
We got heckled to behave

She made romance in the silly things
And love in every room
We fucked everywhere in her house
And on the grass below the moon

Chorus
Mabel
My baby, Mabel
I still think about you, hope you know
Mabel
My darling, Mabel
Why oh wow did you tell me to go?

She kissed me in the falling dark
With sand beneath our legs
I had on all my finery
Dress pressed and lipstick red

We tasted salt of open sea
And breeze tousled her locks
We spent the night under the sky
Collecting shells and rocks

She led me to the ocean
It was cold and froze my legs
She told me she would warm me up
But then kissed me instead.

I told her she’s my darling
And she said she loved me too
Perhaps that’s what this ‘being’ means
No one else, the world, and you.

Chorus

Mabel
My baby, Mabel
I got your text just thought I’d let you know
Mabel
My darling, Mabel
I’m in my car, to meet you I go

A Request for Gabriel

There’s a place that I call home
Just beyond the sea
Underneath the cotton clouds
An island far from me

My lover stands there waiting
And the land is touched by god
It’s Genesis over again
My name is Eve will you be my friend

We’ll say no to snakes of old
And be the ones legend foretold
We’ll be all human no mistakes
So take me there before I wake

There are times I close my eyes
And listen for the angel cries
I know that you don’t look how they say you do

No golden curls for boys and girls
Hair like light and eyes like pearls
Four wings and arms entrenched in sight
I’ll stare right back you can tell Him that I tried

Look past my face and see my words
Blessings please, I feel so cursed
I don’t know what it means to be
But I think I’m just done with being me

So take me to the island
My hand’s open arms outstretched
A close ending’s not what I want
But it’s really not farfetched

There are tubs of raven ink left
And three quarters half the pages
Would you write it for me?
Make an opus for the ages

I’m not quite The Redeemer
But I sure can try my best
Try not to sin when I see Bathsheba
But I’ll die like all the rest

And that’s not what I’m fighting
Conventional is what I crave
But I won’t get that here
I don’t think I’m quite that brave

Eighty years upon this rock?
Saying I can is empty talk
I don’t want to break this promise

Cos Gabriel, I know what happens
I know, I know how I end
The broken nib, the broken pens
Send me, send me my godsend

A forest of green and grass and tree
A view of ocean, sand, and sea
My Adam laying next to me

This is what I asked for
My heart’s already there
If I ask you everyday
Will you answer my prayer?

Will I be there when I wake?
A fresh new start, worlds apart
Eden’s here I’m out the dark
And the sunlight feels so warm on my face
Is this, what you meant by grace?

From the Sirens Who Fell in Love With the Sailors Instead

I’m hanging between your fingers
Like a puppet on a string
I’ll do anything that you wanted
I’ll do any goddamn thing

I used to stand still like the rocks
But the oceans were stronger than me
Storms came and waves hit
And now I lay in the sea

I’m brittle sand at the shoreline
Shape me into what you want
I’ll do anything that you wanted
You won’t believe there was fight in me once

And one day I will be happy
Underneath the sea
Let waves crash
Let storms brew
Above and beyond me

The rest rest with dirt past your elbows
And soil above their heads
While I’ll choke on fish bones
In my salty seawater bed

The ocean has made me a promise
A pact and a truce if you will
It’ll take me beneath folding waves
I promised it that I’ll behave

No turning back
No turning back

I’ve swam out quite a way now
My feet are touching the floor
You won’t find me my darling
You won’t see me anymore
You can’t rescue me this time
You can’t rush through the door
I’m opening my mouth now
The damage is already done
Don’t wait for me at the coastline
Listen, please, just run.

B Movie Horror

We are pulp of greying red
Two steps from dying three from dead
I’m ribs I’m bones I’m underfed
You’re in my mind you’re in my head

The sky’s open wide and you’re the sun
Smoke and smog you’re in my lungs
Let forests burn let colours run

We’re shades from black we’re barely grey
You’re the night and I’m the day

Collapse into your open palms
Catch me in the falling dark
Parasitic hardly fitting
Was I the thing your heart was missing

Oil spill in the sea poison in my veins
I want different I want the same
Different body different brain

I’m defined by my mistakes
Passed out alone in open space

I’m dying I’m here this is my life
I’m not your girlfriend not your wife
I’m a thing you use and I the same
What end are we meeting what’s this game

Sex driven, hedonism
Two young deaths making little ones together
Is this fulfilling is this whatever
We’re wasting days more of the same
Finding loose ends every day

Enablers, to each other
Two broken brains from different mothers
Shock and shame and B movie horror
Mixed metaphors and cursed explorers
I’m dumb and young and fucked up to death
Meet me at the bitter end
Dying young’s a lovely trend

If you hold me under the star lit sky
I think the world will all make sense
Coming together this jigsaw of heaven
Tell me will we be forgiven

I wanna meet mercy I wanna forget
The things we did the things we said
Is there someone looking out for me?

The sky feels really cold today
The air is empty empty space
We’re on our way to early graves
Drunk on love our souls depraved

I don’t feel happy and I don’t feel full
But it’s close enough that I can’t tell
I know when night fades and we meet dusk
That this is the life that I dreamed of.

We Did Everything Together

[One of these days I’ll be brave enough to record these songs, but today is not that day so here’s the lyrics.]

My heart is empty
But my chest is full
My neck is bruised
And my wrist is pulled

I’m dangling from my sockets
And I’m bleeding from my eyes
My tongue is bitten, red and bloody
Throat is raw with cries.

I’ve never ached with sadness so
I fear I’m going mad
This house is so big without you
But you were all I had

None of these things are really mine
They were bought when you were there
It’s like I live in a graveyard
Or a long deserted square

I’m alone is what I’m saying
And alone is how I’ll die
Let my skin tear like paper
On a dangling washing line.

And that’s where they’ll find me
Rotting, hanging there.
They’ll bury us together
I’ll be quick enough, I swear.

Let me pick through the car crash
And lay amongst the wreck
I’ll take my prozac in the driver’s seat
And we can die the same death.

They’ll bury me in white
My hand buried in yours
Our eyes closed to the world
When they close the coffin doors.

Plant lilies by our gravestones
We liked them both the same
Engrave the marble pretty
And remember our names.

Isn’t that you wanted?
The death of you and me
That’s why you said you’d see me there
When we crashed into that tree

But you only broke my arms
And I woke up to see your face
I don’t remember screaming
But you didn’t look the same.

Heidi

[Wow I managed to write a song that wasn’t about a subject matter entirely horrendous. Unrequited love is more conventional, at least]

There are words between my lips
Words that I dare not say
I think of love and years
Of recalling yesterday.

I may be foolish but not stupid
Yes I fell in love with a ghost
I’ll try and purge you from my memory
Yes I’ll do my utmost.

Maybe that’s what sets me apart
From all the other guys
Who slept with you one winter day
And fell in love with your eyes.

They didn’t look away quick enough
They fell into a trance
And thought Heidi’s really lovely
I’m sure she’ll give me a chance.

No, me I know your power
I was out the door that night
I thought about you as I crossed the road
At the green traffic lights

You make my mind so silly
And you make my heart cry loud
But I know that it is fruitless
I’m just another in a crowd.

There are realms of guys who love you
In every town and every place
That you’ve ever graced your presence
In silken skirts, lipstick and lace

I’m really not that special
I’m mediocrity at best
Unexceptional to you
Yes I’ll fade into the rest.

Some days I think about you
If you’re cov’ring something up
That’s why you pick up people put them down
Like we put down coffee cups

Is there a hole inside your ribcage?
Where a broken heart does beat?
And a voice in your head that tells you
To throw yourself a thousand feet

I may not be as pretty
Or have the same way to cope
But Heidi please just listen
Just know you’re not alone

You deserve a nicer world
And you deserve a kinder mind
An inside voice as lovely
As the one you use outside.

I don’t expect one thing from you
Not a smile not a kiss
Oh I just want you better
You’d be terrible to miss.