Reverent

Restless, he wakes
To a sky full of stars
And his thin bones are bruised
With most violet of scars.

A patch on his forearm
His hip bones, a peach
Distorts its perfection
With the autumn it reached.

When the branches hang not
With the weight of its friends,
And the fruit falls alone
To dry grass it descends.

He awoke to a ceiling
He had not seen before
And a headache that stretched
From his curls to his jaw.

Lights from the windows
Below heaven, on streets
The lamps light up paths
Where the mortals all meet.

Which makes it hurt more –
That he is so alone –
They left so much earlier
From the place he called home.

To the world past the glass
He casts his eyes, only two,
From horizon to starlight
Hopes he returns soon.

There’s a humbling pi(e)ty
To these toy tin human things
Words tumble on tongues
Where are my wings?

Daffodils

I see you in the daffodils.
Your neck below their heads
Your legs outstretched on green
The blanket on your bladed bed

I’m reminded there are worse things
To see you in at times
I’ve woken, shaking madly
Catching your face next to mine

This reminds me I am better
To see you here, old friend
To forget the burn of our last words
And fall in love again.

Yellow makes me well now
And it looks good on you too
One day you’ll burst up in the sky
Amber hair on azure blue

And all the world will see you
Though they may not know your face
But I will know you’re up there
And we’ll meet again one day.

On Eastern Avenue

She wasn’t there when I saw her.
Absent and empty and gone,
Her face caked in vomit and saliva,
Nothing behind her eyes at all,
Slumped in her seat as the needle,
Had drained the life from her body
Slower than it pushed it in.
I half expected blood to pool on the floor,
Of the car in the footwell and the inside pocket,
Where she kept her CDs.
Bowie and Bowie and Bowie,
His lightning face paint, and staccatos,
Still playing from the speakers,
As I tried to shake her awake,
As the ambulance came,
And the flood of its lights tricked me,
Into thinking she came alive again.

Here we left it

Your eyes are filled with sadness, dear.
Your heart is growing dark,
You do not smile the same, sweetheart,
Your laughter’s lost its spark.

I don’t know if it’s you or me,
Or the space between us both,
But when I see you, you are not the same,
As the man I loved the most.

My words are heavy on my tongue,
Too much for lips to start,
We separate with soft, sad words,
Far from the fire of the start.

The Monster

There’s a monster in my chest
He beats my heart like drums
I’m choking on this blood of mine
That’s pooling in my lungs.

I feel as though I’m drowning
And my vision’s turning white
Blur before me, avalanche
Tell me that I’m right.

There’s a hole inside my body
Where you’ve eaten me away
I squint through colour, motion, shame
I stumble to the end of days

Jerusalem falls around me
The soldiers at the wall
Have laid siege to my temple
Just a day too long

It’s October, when I crumble
Flames burn away my gold-tinged skin
I fall like Autumn leaves
And whisper curses to the wind.

There was something here, once
A beauty to be had
But I lost that, oh years ago
When everything turned bad

I am the image of no one.
The sky is empty tonight
My limbs are dead around me
And my neck is flecked with blight.

I zone out to rope and medicine
And vomit down my front
There are monsters haunting me
From which I turn and run

They’re down every hallway
Handprints on every wall
They’ve cracked every floorboard
Pandemonium feels so small.

My body’s not my own now
I’m blood and flesh and shame
That’s why I call him Monster
For I do not know his name

Tears rip through my eyelids
And spill right down my face
This isn’t what I wanted
This boiling, burning place.

But I see him when I close my eyes
And count, so slow, to ten
I choke on black and empty space
And whisper my amen.

I’m begging you to save me
Just pull me out of here
I don’t know if I want to die
But I do want to disappear.

I want you to rest me easy,
Cotton, for my face,
Press til I stop kicking,
And over me, say grace.

Purge the evil from this vessel
And rid the monster, yes
I s’pose I’ll meet you in the elsewhere
It’s not for me to guess.

On the Cobalt

Hair dark as driftwood
Eyes clear as glass
The time of the Ancients
Has not come to pass

You fly through the water
You stare back at me
Your home is the rivers
Your home is the sea.

Shipwrecked, we lay
On sand and soil
Your silent words bubble
Like eggs in oil

When I look to you
I see nature bare
Like the sun, my eyes water
If for too long I stare

You pull me under
My lungs tear apart
You gasp and remember
My mortal start

Holding me close
In your plywood arms
I gasp at the surface
Your hand on my heart

That’s where you keep it
Coming forth I see sails
And the yachtsman gasps
At the girl with the scales.

From the Sirens Who Fell in Love With the Sailors Instead

I’m hanging between your fingers
Like a puppet on a string
I’ll do anything that you wanted
I’ll do any goddamn thing

I used to stand still like the rocks
But the oceans were stronger than me
Storms came and waves hit
And now I lay in the sea

I’m brittle sand at the shoreline
Shape me into what you want
I’ll do anything that you wanted
You won’t believe there was fight in me once

And one day I will be happy
Underneath the sea
Let waves crash
Let storms brew
Above and beyond me

The rest rest with dirt past your elbows
And soil above their heads
While I’ll choke on fish bones
In my salty seawater bed

The ocean has made me a promise
A pact and a truce if you will
It’ll take me beneath folding waves
I promised it that I’ll behave

No turning back
No turning back

I’ve swam out quite a way now
My feet are touching the floor
You won’t find me my darling
You won’t see me anymore
You can’t rescue me this time
You can’t rush through the door
I’m opening my mouth now
The damage is already done
Don’t wait for me at the coastline
Listen, please, just run.